Most autistic people have sensory processing differences, which can make them more (or less) sensitive to their environment, compared to non-autistic people. Sometimes, you’ll notice people use tools to help them manage their sensory processing differences, such as ear defenders or sunglasses. They’re not being rude. They’re adapting to a world that’s not built for them.

'With sensory stuff, I'm really affected by continuous droning noises, like lawnmowers or vacuum cleaners. But with a club or a festival, if it is generally good music, the loud noise doesn’t bother me. I'm choosing to be there.' Jake, a late-diagnosed autistic adult.

Understand that if someone isn’t making eye contact with you, they’re not being rude. Many autistic people find making eye contact quite a vulnerable experience, or would rather take in their surroundings. If they’re not looking at you, it doesn’t mean they aren’t listening.

'People have called me rude for not making eye contact. So, I've trained myself to get good at it. But I'd much rather be able to look at what's around me and take my surroundings in... But I had to learn how to do it because it's not my world. I'm constantly having to remind myself things like, "am I giving enough? Is it too much?"' Anna -autistic adult, featured in Autistic, so what?

One theory that supports our understanding of autism is monotropism. If someone is monotropic, fewer things take up more of their focus. This theory helps explain why many autistic people have ‘spiky profiles’; excelling in some areas and struggling in others. 

Because an autistic person might focus their mental energy on fewer things, small talk can be excessively tedious for autistic people. Small talk can also feel performative. For example, few people are expecting an honest answer when asking ‘how are you?’. If someone doesn’t respond to your natter, don’t assume that they are rude. It might be that they are more focused on other things. 

'Some people are not into eye contact, or don’t want to chit chat with you, but it doesn't mean that they're rude. I think if people understood that, then it would be a lot better for everyone.' Jake, autistic adult

Some autistic people fidget, pace, or stim. Stimming comes from the term ‘self-stimulating’, and can be things like rocking, twirling, or repeating words (known as echolalia). Autistic people stim to express joy or manage difficult emotions.

'Fidgeting helps me feel better, as it reduces stress and helps me to improve my focus.' Daniel Wakeford, autistic adult and So What? protagonist.

Masking is where autistic people hide their autistic traits to make non-autistic people more comfortable. Masking is exhausting as it involves constantly monitoring and analysing your own behaviour to ‘fit in’ with non-autistic people. Some research even links it to poorer mental health in autistic people. 

Masking can lead to a later diagnosis. Although autistic people of any gender can mask their autistic traits, it can be typically associated with women and girls. Some people talk about masking being so engrained, they find unmasking difficult after diagnosis.

'We become desperate to fit in, so we learn to mask. But masking is damaging, and it takes a huge amount of energy. I’m constantly thinking, “Am I giving enough eye contact? Am I giving too much? Am I saying things appropriate for this environment? Am I talking too loudly or too quietly?” It’s exhausting.' - Juan, a late-diagnosed autistic adult.
 

Many autistic people experience anxiety around uncertainty. This is one reason why change can be difficult for autistic people, alongside the fact that many autistic people thrive in routine. 

You can help reduce uncertainty in several ways, including: being true to your word, avoiding vague statements and sarcasm, being punctual, or being patient and understanding when someone has clarifying questions.

Last-minute changes can be really difficult for autistic people. If your plans change, try to give as much notice as possible.

'My character in the So what? film meets people on time. I've literally lost friends over needing to know exactly when to meet. Before mobile phones, if someone was late, I couldn’t check if a friend was two minutes away. I found it really stressful waiting with the uncertainty of not knowing if they were coming. I’d find it too much, so I’d leave. Thank God for technology! At least now I can check people are on their way.' - Tish, autistic adult and Autistic. So what? protagonist.

If someone shares with you that they are autistic, don’t dismiss them.

Sometimes, non-autistic people might say things that invalidate autistic people's experiences. For example, 'everyone's a little autistic', 'you don't look autistic', or ‘you can’t be autistic because...’ followed by things like 'you can make eye contact', 'you have friends', or 'you have a job'. 

The fact is, people of any age, gender or ethnicity can be autistic, and there isn't one 'look' to being autistic. If someone shares their experiences or challenges with you, believe them.

'Lots of people don't realise that you can be autistic and live in a way that appears to be quite similar to someone who isn't autistic. But that doesn't mean that you don't find it difficult. I can fit in with everyone else, but I find it draining, and I need lots more downtime.' Jake, an autistic adult