How Harriet and George make sure all is calm at Christmas

As parents of autistic children with different interests and preferences, they keep things calm at Christmas by planning ahead, spreading out activities and not being pressured into doing too much.

The pressure to fit into someone else's routines

George: "From when the children were very young, it was apparent that they wouldn’t be able to cope with all the standard Christmas traditions. They didn’t have a diagnosis back then, but we knew that they would never enjoy visiting Father Christmas in a busy shopping centre, so we simply never did it."

Other parents seem to book so many things at this time of year, and there was a time when I used to feel like I should be doing the same. There’s a lot of pressure at this time of year. But I knew that just wasn’t right for our kids.

Harriet

*George and his son decorate a gingerbread person.*

Some things they learned over time. They used to visit family over Christmas, but the pressure to fit into someone else’s Christmas routine and rules was too much for the children; the day would often end in tears.

Finding their own traditions

Harriet: "We now always host at ours. It’s more work, but it allows the children to be in their own environment and means I can control things better. And if it gets a bit overwhelming, they can take time away from us all in a familiar space."

The family also spread Christmas celebrations over two days. They have Christmas lunch on Christmas Eve. That makes Christmas Day more relaxed so that the children can enjoy their presents and the parents aren’t stressed about cooking.

They plan some activities over the Christmas period, but it’s carefully orchestrated. The children love going to the theatre. Harriet always seeks out relaxed performances and books aisle seats so they can leave if they need to. They’ve learned to prepare the children in advance, but not too long before the event. Their son once became so overwhelmed with excitement in the lead-up to a show that he had a meltdown when the day came.

*Harriet and her children decorate gingerbread people.*

Why a calmer Christmas matters

Calm is so important for autistic children. It’s what we strive for every day, and especially at Christmas when there is so much going on and so much disruption to their normal routine.

George

*George and Harriet's children peek inside a Christmas grotto.*

George: "It really helps if others understand why we might want to do things differently. The Inclusive Christmas Guide that Autistica has produced is a great way to help family and friends be more inclusive and flexible. The research and campaigning that Autistica does to ensure that autistic children and adults are more supported and included in society is vital. Their work gives us hope for a better future for our children. That’s the greatest gift we could give them."